Page 353 of 366 : My dreams ..

Assalamualaikum ..

My dreams ? Hmm .. Okay, sorry readers .. This topic might be a bit boring .. But I really got nothing to talk about right now .. My fingers just started to get active on the keyboard .. Deal with it ! Hahaha .. Ready to blast off ?

My first dream is .. It might sound a bit impossible but baby, nothing is impossible if you have faith and you really work on it .. I want to go to Paris .. Yup, the city of love, fashion and food .. Basically, I am searching for love and I really love food .. Cooking and pastries .. I want to go to the largest museum in the world, Le Musée du Louvre .. In English is, The Louvre Museum .. In this enormous museum, you can see the famous art work by Leonard Da Vinci that is the portraiture of Mona Lisa .. There are many more art works that will amaze you if you are really into art .. Besides the museum, you are well informed by the amazing skyscraper, the Eiffel Tower .. Your journey would not be complete if you don't visit this symbol of Paris .. There are much much more attractions of Paris .. Just google it .. Don't be so lazy la .. Haha .. :D

Proceed to my second dream .. Hmm .. I am so jealous with the title 'Dr.' .. Want to know something ? Actually, I wanted to be a chef when I step into Form 4 .. I do love cooking but it seems like it just don't go well .. It fades .. Slowly and slowly .. But I still have some faith in me that I can be a chef .. SOMEDAY .. There was an education affair that was held annually in our school .. This year, I have started to take my career thing seriously .. I saw an interesting course .. Culinology .. Sounds weird huh ? That is the very first time I heard about it .. It is something unexplained .. Maybe you can google it .. :) It is a fun course as it sounds .. But then, I am interested in medic .. Maybe a doctor or a pediatrician .. I love Biology .. But not really into Physics .. Chemistry is okay for me .. Additional Mathematics ? I have killed it, baby ! *Well, not really.. Haha..' Hmm, I have not decide anything yet .. I will refer to someone who know how to manage this better than I do .. Allah and my awesome friends ;)

My third dream .. I wanted a life .. A beautiful life .. A perfect life .. With people that complete me .. My family and friends .. The one that always support me .. Without them, I was like using life support machine .. :'D Many things I have been through for this 16 years of living, breathing .. Hard times, broken heart, bleeding scars, rainy days & nights .. Happy moments, fake smiles, tears of happiness, sunshines & stars .. All of that .. I just wanted a life .. Thank you for giving me some of it .. :')

My fourth dream is, I just wanted to feel the sacredness of a true love .. A love from Allah .. I trust in one thing .. Love after marriage .. I might be crazy but I might let my mum to choose a husband for me .. Crazy right ? WAIT ! I am TOO YOUNG to get married .. So, why should I think about this ? Daaa~ I am relying of Allah's plan .. And I am following the flow .. No need to think about it for now okay .. Hehe .. Want to know a secret .. I am so tired of being played by guys .. Even though some the guys just my friends .. It can effect me, you know .. It did happened ! Last exam, I cannot focus on my last two subject for the exam .. So, I did not do well in my 6 papers .. DUSH ! Cruel is it ? But hey, I cannot blame him actually .. My fault that I cannot even control my own feelings .. Looks like I need to work on these feelings .. Maybe there are some screws that loosen out .. Without me realizing it .. Haha .. Well, well .. For girls, we did actually think about marriage at such young age .. Only the one that can manage her feelings well, they keep everything under her control .. Hello, girls ! You know what I mean right ? Oppss .. Well, here's the thing .. I am admiring a guy .. But can I just give up ? I am losing hope .. I don't know but my girl really thinks that he was the one for me .. We are still friends and no one can change that .. But this feeling, don't change .. No matter how hard I try but I cannot .. STOP ! I don't want to be so emotional tonight .. Hehe .. Here's a song for you .. :)

Can't Help Falling In Love You - Elvis Presley

*click on the song title to let the tune flows*

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
For I can't help falling in love with you

For I can't help falling in love with you, dear .. Chewah .. I have been so jiwang tonight .. Haha .. Well hello ! This is life ! Don't like it ? Don't live with life .. Haha .. You cannot understand ? Please don't .. Haha .. Au revoir !

Page 352 of 366 : I'm stronger .. :')

Assalamualaikum ..

Aww .. How I missed my dad, my mum and my adorably sweet little angel, Nani .. Two more days, girl .. Just be strong .. And we're off with a very tight schedule .. We will be busy weeks for us .. Hmm .. Actually, I don't want to talk about that .. Well, not really .. Got something to share for all the girls out there .. :') Listen ..

Did you ever got stuck in the middle of something ? That makes you have to make decision .. A very tough decision, especially that will effect you and your life .. Did you ever gone through breakups .. Or are you still single ? Scared of being hurt again .. Tired of love and stuff .. Did you ever feel depressed of family problems ? Feel stress of your friends that don't understand you in at least one situation ?

Well, girls .. Hear me out, darling .. You are much much stronger than you thought .. All those things I mention just now are just the little rocks that block your way .. Your life's journey .. Always think it from the positive side .. Then, you'll thank Allah for what you've been through .. You might think you've lost almost everything when you lost someone .. Either it's your family, your friends or your special someone .. But dear, don't lose faith in yourself .. You still have someone who cares about you, dear .. Believe in yourself, you can do this .. You can overcome this .. 

Got cheated by your friend or boyfriend ? Your friend stabbed you ? Well, I'll not encourage you to cry but .. Crying can make you feels better .. It was like, an enormous rock been lifted from your back .. So, cry all you can but promise me just for this once .. Then, stand up .. Prove to guys that you can live without them .. As for your friends, maybe it's time for you to step backward and give some space to them .. If they are your friends, they will find a solution to overcome your problem .. Not running away and just leaving you .. All by yourself to think about how to settle the problem .. Right ? A true friend will always be there for you .. They will be loyal to you ..

Be a strong girl .. If you do like I've told you, you'll be happier than you thought .. Seriously, you should NOT be crying just because of these things .. Like all time .. Once and that's it .. Hey, girls .. I've got something for you .. Close you eyes ... Hehe .. Kidding .. :D

So, make sure you spread your smiles k, dear ? Either it's fake or not .. If Allah's will .. You will have a great life .. An awesome life that no one could imagine .. ;3 And here's a song for my awesome girls .. :) 

Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie

*click on the song title to hear it out*
The smell of your skin lingers on me nowYou're probably on your flight back to your home townI need some shelter of my own protection, babyTo be with myself and centerClarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you knowThat this has nothing to do with youIt's personal, myself and IWe've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanketBut I've got to get a move on with my lifeIt's time to be a big girl nowAnd big girls don't cryDon't cry, don't cry, don't cry

The path that I'm walkin', I must go aloneI must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grownFairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

I hope you know, I hope you knowThat this has nothing to with youIt's personal, myself and IWe've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanketBut I've got to get a move on with my lifeIt's time to be a big girl nowAnd big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yardWe'll play jacks and Uno cardsI'll be your best friend and you'll be myValentine

Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to'Cause I want to hold yours tooWe'll be playmates and loversAnd share our secret worlds

But it's time for me to go homeIt's getting late, dark outsideI need to be with myself, and centerClarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you knowThat this has nothing to do with youIt's personal, myself and IWe've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanketBut I've got to get a move on with my lifeIt's time to be a big girl nowAnd big girls don't cryDon't cry, don't cry, don't cry
Okay, girls .. That's all for now .. If you girls got some problems to talk about .. Or you need someone to talk to, I am always here for you .. Either you are my classmate, my seniors, my juniors or strangers .. :)

Page 350 of 366 : I've recovered ..

Assalamulaikum ..

How was today ? Hmm .. It is kinda weird when I wrote this entry during day and not night .. But who cares ? Haha .. My life will be extremely boring starting from today and ended next Tuesday .. Huhh .. Let's hang out ? I want to .. But alone .. Please ? I just need to feel the joy of being the only me for this once ..  Hang out with me, my shadow, my soul and my heart .. Problem ? Haha .. Feels like I wanted to scream inside the Kbox's room .. Daa~ Who cares ? :D

Okay, I ain't going to talk about anything specific actually .. Just wanted to let the fingers Tango on the keyboard .. Happily, of course .. Sometimes, being alone is much better than you thought it would be .. No hard feelings and stuff .. I am not letting him go officially .. Just that, I think I need to focus on my SPM more than anything .. I do not have that confidence in me but with the help of Allah, everything will be going according to plan .. I just wanted to make my dreams come true .. He is one of my dreams, but honey .. Study first, love later .. Agree ? Good .. 

Although I might lose him, I still have my family .. My friends .. My girls .. It is been a very very tough year for a 16 years old's girl .. But many things have been learnt from all those mistakes .. I will be better next year .. If Allah's will .. I am supposed to think about having the sweetness and bitterness of the word 'life' .. To think how to overcome situations .. Tasting the word 'enjoy' of the life of a teenager .. Smiling, laughing, crying to awesomeness .. 

Well, the lonely will always keep me accompany .. Always .. No worries .. Here's a song that might helps you out .. To understand me better .. My situation .. :) 

The Lonely - Christina Perri

*click on the song title to hear it out*

2am; where do I begin,
Crying off my face again.
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby.
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night.
But the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me til I fall asleep.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby.
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there's only me and the lonely.

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again.

I think that's all for now .. I will keep updating these few days .. Maybe I can improve my writing .. Just maybe .. Hehe .. Wasalam~

Page 349 of 366 : Let It be .. :')

Assalamualaikum ..

It is the 8th day .. And I really missed him .. He's online now but .. I'm taking the first move .. And the responds ? Hmm .. What's wrong with him ??? Am I doing something that ... Hmm .. Forget it .. I AM GIVING UP WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP ..

Bloggy, I just don't know what happen okay .. I guess I just gonna let it be .. The way we are now .. I had enough .. Kesabaran saya ada limitnya .. Kalau berdiam diri boleh selesaikan masalah .. Dipersilakan .. Terima kasih untuk semuanya .. Awak buat lagi .. Awak buat lagi .. Dan awak buat lagi ..

Kenapa maseh xfaham ? Hmm .. Xpa, saya x pksa awk .. Sya dah bgik awk second chance kan ? Biarlah hbngn kta hanya sebagai saudara sesama Islam .. Thanks for everything .. I won't text you from this second .. I won't ... 

I was about to cry but does it worth anything ??? A tough .. Hmm .. Why am I so emotional ? Cause .. No need to know .. You won't need it .. Just have a nice and happy life .. You still can live without a 'dumb' friend like me, right ? I don't bring any benefits to you either mentally or emotionally .. But remember, you've changed me .. Thank you :')

Okay, that's all .. Here's a song for you .. I am not ending this relationship .. We just need to pause it for a moment .. Until .. I don't know when .. Assalamualaikum, awak .. Au revoir, mon sier ! 

Page 341 of 366 : What A Day !

Assalamualaikum ..

What a day ! Hmm .. Byk na bnda mengejut hari tok .. Maseh lagi sakit .. Hmm .. Xtauk bila shat .. Skit tekak tok yang sakit .. Xpa, setiap kali kita sakit, tujuannya ialah untuk menghapuskan dosa2 kita .. :) So, Eif rsa bersyukur dberik sakit wlpn nang xnyaman lalu rsa nak ? Tapi, what can we do ? Makan ubat lah .. Hehe .. Tapi skit gne2 pun, solat jgn lupak .. Doa supaya cpat shat .. InsyaAllah ..


Btw .. Alhamdulillah .. Allah bgik kesempatan untuk Eif jumpa ngan kwan  Eif yang pling Eif rindu .. :') Serin, jgn jeles k ? xD hehe .. Rndu msa kta crta psal dulu .. I just missed the moment, girl .. Then, the most shocking news .. Hmm .. Today is the last day .. Mmg rsa nak nangis jak bila nya decide gya .. But family first kan ? I learnt to respect other's .. And this way ... I respect your decision, dear .. Ya, I'll be missing you but insyaAllah .. Everything will be just fine .. 

So, now .. My phone will be .. Just in silent mode .. Orang hnya akan call bila perlu .. Text bila tweet masuk or bila ada org prlukan apa2 .. Forget him, SPM is much much more important .. Focus Eif ! Hmm .. I always lost my focus with some very not important things .. Huhh ..

Wake up ! It's 17 .. It's 2013 .. It's SPM .. What do you say ? Focus with what I want .. Forget what had happen .. Throw away the bad memories into the valley of sadness .. Muahahaha.. But guys .. I still remember ... The moment I met those people that hurts my heart .. The moment we enjoying and spending our time happily .. The moment of truth ... I remember every single moment we had been through .. A BIG THANKS to you guys .. Faqqar and friends, Kak Qinah, Kak Wawa .. 4 Tekun, Well, Carol, Ahmad, Akmal, Picholas and every single person in the lunatic class .. Others, Haziq Farhan, Aizuddin *my old friend from primary*, Afiq Faiz, Yazid, Java, Kath, Aizul, Adib .. My juniors .. No matter in what school .. My seniors .. My lovely adek angkat, Mirul ;3 

Not to forget, the angels of my heart .. Nur Amaelya & Serin .. Thanks for the great moments .. It's precious and fragile .. I just love you both .. Thanks for always being there for me .. For always, make me smile .. No matter if it is fake or not .. Thanks for the support .. We can do it although the distance separate us apart .. But our heart and soul to the friendship will stay .. InsyaAllah .. :)

And lastly, thanks to 'awak' that shines my day with the bright light and the sparkling stars at night .. Thanks for being the tiny, small light source when darkness surround me .. Thanks for being the 'umbrella' when it's 'rains' .. Thanks for being the 'shades' when it's 'hot' .. A much bigger thank you to you .. :) Bon jour, mon sier .. :')

That's all for tonight .. :) Wasalam~

Page 337 of 366 : Getting older ? ;D

Assalamualaikum..

Woot ! Woot ! Getting older, huh ? I'll be turning 17 next year .. Well, hello 17 .. Hello SPM .. Hahaha .. SPM ? Wuuu .. A tough challenge for me .. :3 But, I'll do my very best .. InsyaAllah .. Dengan izinNya ..

Oh ya, this year have been my great year ! Haha .. New challenges, new friends .. Many new things .. Everything's just new to me .. One of the memories I remembered till today .. Debate ! Aww .. April was awesome with debating .. Just getting in love in every battle .. I don't really like debate in the first place but alhamdulillah, everything just doing fine .. We managed to break the school record in debate .. Until semi final .. Almost to the final ! Sikit lagi .. Hahah .. We will do better next year .. :P Ho yeah ! Ho yeah !

And on the July 16th until July 19th,  a group of Lopengians are sent to be Collegians .. The first day was .. Hmm .. I already put it into words bah .. In my previous entry .. Just try to look for it .. Entitled : Journey To Kolej .. Just read from there .. Well, I'm just thankful having peers from Kolej .. Especially students from 4 Tekun and the teachers too .. You're guys are just awesome ! Thanks, guys and girls :) The PRS and the prefects too .. Thanks ya ! Not to forget friends from the same batch .. Old friends from SKAMIS :) And even those who I know after I go to Kolej the other day .. Guys, just a word .. THANKS :')

And I am really, really, really thankful for getting to know him .. Everything was started on July 17th .. The very first time he talks to me, just me and him .. And it's been about 5 months plus, plus since that day .. Ya, we had some fights and stuff but we're still okay .. It's normal in a relationship .. We still managed to get things done .. I am just grateful having him right beside me when I need someone to talk too .. Having him to care about me when I'm sick .. Having him to make me laugh when I cry .. When people don't understand me like he does .. Oppss .. Getting to much emotional here .. By the way, we're still friends okay .. JUST friends .. :) Not more than that .. Problem ? xD

Through out this years, many sweet and bad memories I've gone through .. Many smiles had been spread .. Meaningful smiles, sweet smiles, lovable smiles, evil smiles, fake smiles .. Haha ... And all those rainy days .. Tears .. The bleeding heart .. The scars .. Whatever it is, thanks for everything .. :')